Open Hands

24 07 2012

By Julia Indigo/@juliaindigo

There was a time in my life when I hurt and would do anything to make the hurt go away… There was a time when I felt that there would neer be enough for me of anything good… I wanted to hold tight to anyone or anything forever that made me feel good for a moment.

Today i look beyond the immediate momen of satisfaction and decide what is good for me in the larger picture of my life. Today i have faith and patience and can wait to make loving and positive choices.

From Time for Joy: Daily Affirmations by Ruth Fishel





Row80, Round 3

2 07 2012

By Julia Indigo/@juliaindigo

Round Three starts today, woohoo! What is the end date? Because I have a hellacious amount of stuff that I need to do!

My goals fall into four categories:

Business:

Completely redo my business website, including adding a wordpress blog. Oy. This is a big one!

 

Creative:

Finish HIS ORIGINAL SIN, and get it to beta readers by the end of August.

Restart work on my second WIP, last year’s Nanowrimo novel.

Get started on my Halloween costume.

 

Daily life:

Finish losing that twenty pounds.

Practice every day.

Continue my Better Life Habits™ from last round (exercising, house cleaning, dog grooming).

 

 

(Yep, that’s my girl!)

Platform building:

Continue blogging three times a week: Row80 update on Sunday, Tuesday Quotes on Tuesday (Duh!), third blogpost later in the week.

Be on twitter, and comment on at least one blog every day.

 

This includes platform building for my business. Oh. My. I think I needed to get started five years ago!





The End is in Sight

21 06 2012

By Julia Indigo/@juliaindigo

The end is in sight, and no, not the end of my first draft! The end of the Sharp Left Turn that I mentioned the other day. I leave for the audition on Saturday, whether or not I’m ready. The tickets are bought, the friends who live there are contacted, the place I’m staying is booked, and my audition time is set.

Did you see that, above? The phrase ‘whether or not I’m ready’?

It remains to be seen whether or not one is ever ready for a symphony orchestra audition. My preparation is continuing, and will up until I walk out on stage, just me and my piccolo, thankfully behind a screen. Yes, symphony orchestra auditions are blind, usually until the final round.

Today I’m afraid to hope. I’d love the gig, I’d love the change of scenery, I’d love to leave Texas, even if the other place is equally Right Wing. I’ll survive. After all, I’ve survived here all this time!

The interesting thing is that when I try to think about the future after not winning, of returning here to stay, I come up blank. It’s as though my subconscious simply can’t fathom that. I find that curious. Hopeful, and curious.





Catching up, part deux

19 02 2012

My day job has ‘dark weeks’ – weeks with no work/no pay. This past week was one of those, and it came just in time. I had lunch on Friday with someone who is involved with the company, and he asked how I had survived the previous five weeks – that’s when I realized that it had been a time that was noticeably more stressful than usual.

My November was stressful at work and I added NaNoWriMo to the mix. December was supposed to be relaxing, but my vacation was anything but that. Then came January and the above stressful working conditions… no wonder I was exhausted, when you add in my likely medical condition. Uff da.

Like a lot (most?) people, when I’m in the middle of things I don’t notice what’s going on, or the affect that it’s having on me. I just do what needs to get done, and if I’m having physical symptoms, I push through it. Now, at fifty-four, with a newish medical condition, it’s not working so well.

And what am I going to do about it? It’s times like this when I need a nurturing mother to stand by my side. Yes, my Mom is still alive, but at eighty-one she has her own issues, after a lifetime of being hard on herself (a lesson I learned in SPADES). So I’m going to step up to the plate and be my own nurturing mother.

It’s not that I don’t have resources – I do! – and it’s not that I don’t have ideas of what could be helpful. The first thing is to stop running long enough to breathe, pause, and take stock of my condition. When I do that, I’m not pleased with what I see. The inmates are running the asylum.

I had an interesting experience last night. I recently signed up for Holly Lisle’s “How To Think Sideways” class, and the first exercises were about busting through blocks by seeing, among other things, the false beliefs that one holds about what is the ‘safe’ way to live. It took me three weeks to sit down and actually do the exercise, and when I sat down to do it I was like a fidgety 7-year-old kid with ADHD. And when I actually finished, I realized that the most important thing that I can do is to Be My Own Mother.

And what does Mother think that Little Julia needs? To be present with her own pain.

Ouch. Did I just write that? I guess so, since my first WIP is about the disaster that one man’s life becomes when he is unable to do just that. He’s constantly medicating his pain, running away from it, with work, with cigarettes, with alcohol, with women. Now, I don’t do any of the above… but I can see why someone would do that.

Just be present with my pain, my frustrations, my anger, my disappointments.

Just breathe.





Catching up

14 02 2012

Life has happened, recently.

I haven’t written a word since the 5th, mostly because of health issues. I am shatteringly exhausted, but I have a good medical team, and things will sort themselves out soon enough. We’ve been working on this since early January – which is why I ditched Row80. It’s frustrating (to say the least) to not be able to do what I really want to do: write. I can’t even concentrate enough to participate on Facebook or Twitter.

The only thing I have energy for is work – and the only reason I have energy for that is the need to ‘put food on my family’, to quote President Bush. Thankfully, we have this week off, and I have a list as long as my arm of Very Important Tasks to do. This Virgo likes to strike things off lists… but that isn’t happening this week. I’m hoping to accomplish one thing per day – and sleeping might well be that one thing.

I’m sorry for the whinge, but I wanted you all to know that I haven’t fallen in a crevasse somewhere. I’m at home, propping my eyelids up.





January 22, 2012 Row80 check in

22 01 2012

From a Row80 perspective, this week was a total failure, except for one thing: I walked every single day, between twenty and forty-five minutes. I had a houseguest who will be staying with me several more times in the next few months. She is a dear friend, and we had a blast: cooking, chatting, walking the dog… think ‘pajama party’. Big fun.

I’ve also been dealing with some health issues, and had no energy to do anything that wasn’t required. So writing went right out the window. So did Dvorak, Twitter, Facebook, you name it, I didn’t do it. I didn’t even make the mid-week Row80 check in! I worked, had fun with my friend, and slept.

I’m absolutely fine with the above, because I realized that if I don’t simplify, I’m not going to see my fifty-fifth birthday. My life resembles the variety show act where the guy has fifteen plates spinning in the air. You just know that they are going to come crashing down… but then they don’t, because the guy knows how to keep them spinning. Or they do, and you get a sheepish smile from him.

Though I don’t know what to release from my life just now, I did learn a thing or two during the week.

1. Stretching + relaxing on the floor, flat on my back with knees bent, feet on floor + deep breathing can completely change my mood, and remove any vestige of anxiety that I might be feeling.

2. Even if I don’t manage to accomplish a lot, getting started on tasks that have to be done (think ‘work on finances’) also completely changes my mood, for the better.

3. There is nothing funnier than my dog when she’s begging. I taught her that she has to be sitting in order to get a treat, so when she begs she walks up to you and then plants her behind on the floor, looking up hopefully. And if you don’t respond, she’ll take a couple of steps and plant that butt again, as though to say, “Hey! I’m SITTING!!! Gimme a treat!”

4. Even though I’m a nervous wreck before a concert, nothing is more fun than Beethoven.

 








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